Was I wrong?

Hello to you whoever is reading this, I am just a stranger on the internet. Today, I decided to write it out, maybe to have a comfort from you, I just wanna let it all out.

I'm in university, 3rd year (not exactly, I took one year off), learning something that I don't even like. At the age of 21, I have lost my way as well as my mind. Long story short, I've been in despair for years since the day I started going to uni. After all these years, what's left inside me? Solitude, depression, anxiety, and shame. It's a shame that I was a coward, I chose uni cause everyone around me did that at time. It's a shame that I couldn't keep trying for what I chose. It's a shame my life has been a mess. I can't anymore. It hurts a lot. Every day, I struggle to think of going to school. Uni is not so like what I imagined. I feel like I'm a monkey on the campus. I've been wondering why other students could enjoy this life here, how they got so many friends, and a great attendance every semester. I have no friends from there, no motivation as well. I tried and nothing seemed to work. My head is not there, my heart is not there. I don't belong to this lifestyle. Even tho I got legacies and some achievements in secondary school and high school that others would want. I guess the past doesn't define who you are. I'm just a coward, a useless adult that living in my world, pretending nothing is wrong. Having so many thoughts in mind and no proper solutions only makes it worse. My will to live, to see, to taste, to feel is fading as time goes by. I've not had any good sleep lately, everything seems to be in grey to me. I wanna go somewhere far far away, take everything off my head so that I can live a carefree life.

I'm from a rural area in the middle of our country. My family is not rich. My parents work hard for me and my siblings to have a good life. I'm aware of that and I do cherish what they have done for me. I love them more than anything in this world. Still tho, that alone can't keep me going on. My life goal is to earn money and give my parents a good life as they deserve it. The responsibility as a firstborn hits me hard in the heart. I wish I could have enough braveness to tell them I wanna quit and do what I want. I'm afraid that quitting uni would make me an undutiful child. I don't care what others say, I only care if I would be a failure in my parent's eye without a "degree". In our country, not going to uni is something like a taboo. You don't go to uni, you suck. It's the stereotype that has been carving into our heads thru many generations. Uni is not the only way to assure you a good life afterward. I know it depends on the context and the situation, most people will choose the safest plan. But if it makes you suffer from mental illness, makes you struggle to find yourself every day, it's not worth it. I was so wrong from the beginning so now I have to figure a way out of this. I wanna start over again, but time doesn't wait for anyone. I don't know if it's too late now...