I just went thru a terrible mental breakdown for a good 2 hours after what has been happening to me last week. The one I have trusted and cared for all this time has turned his back on me and abandoned me just like that. I've never experienced it before. I've heard about men when they change, they can be cruel but I don't ever imagine one day, he would do this to me. It hurts as hell. I just cant stop crying for hours, how pathetic I am. I don't know why I was crying, partly because of what he did to me but I think more is because I pity myself for being so unlucky in relationship. I went thru the exact breakdown in January this year and I've prayed for not having to go thru this ever again, but now, here I am, crying the hell out and wondering what I did wrong in this connection. Why he treats me like that? I never doubt my worth, I just don't understand... But sometimes, not having an answer is better, you don't get hurt more. Some truths are hard to take and I'd rather not know. Since we had that talk yesterday, I was fine, this morning when I woke up, I was fine, but this afternoon when I reread his messages and tried to understand his point of view, as much as I tried, I couldn't. I couldn't figure out how a person can change that much in just a week. I couldn't figure out why me setting boundaries can upset him that much. I keep asking myself what has been wrong in our communication? But it happens so I can't change it now. We have stopped talking, he's still pissed at me, and he chose to leave me. I am sitting here, wondering what's wrong... He's been so important to me and the thought of giving up hurts me bad. But I have to do it again, I lost count of how many times I have to let go of someone because they've hurt me so much. I cant believe we cant even say a proper goodbye, I would have to do it over text and don't know how he will take it. But does it matter anymore? I know I have to put myself first but why it hurts so much. Why can I be someone who makes me feel secured and loved and respected. Why I only fall for guys who think they can just walk all over me and blaming me for not being available when they need? What the heck is that? And now im crying the hell out just because I miss them and still want to be with them. How can I be that stupid? Is it why I am so unfortunate in love? Because I was so stupid? Now I have to stand up for myself, sending him that message, telling him to give me space, for me to get back my strength. I don't need him in my life, and I've suffered enough. What he did to me was not acceptable and he thinks its ok for him to do it to me which is crazy. L oi, can you please step up for yourself? He can call you crazy or overthinking or whatever, you just don't give a fuck, just do your thing and do what makes you happy. Can you do this? ? Can I please be happy in 2025, I'm so tired of dramas like this. 16.12.24 L
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