My little ray of sunshine is gone. I will sniff her little Christmas clothes, her hair that we combed out, her little choker until her scent is completely gone. She’s still around the apartment. Her hair, which fell out so much because she was sick and scared, scattered the rooms and our laundry. She smells like the rose & lavender bath gel that I bathed her with. I shouldn’t have bathed her that day. She wasn’t smelly. It was just her first winter cold weather and she needed some time to adjust. My little ray of sunshine passed on the coldest day of the year. 
My heart will choke whenever I gaze at that little spot on the couch that she always lies in. I always decorate my couch with the same three pillows, two of which I bought even before I moved in my first apartment. She always found herself on that little corner of the room, and she sleeps as sound as she can, as if time was frozen and little particles of dust were flying around her in slow motion. She was a quiet little kitty. Poor baby. I wish I hadn’t been so busy with being fucked up and hating everyone. 
I wish I could see you right now, like always when I come out to the living room and find you in your little spot. You’d wake up and breathed a little for me before I sit down next to the couch and hug you little sweet beans in my arms. My little baby was so small and soft. How could I ever let the cold swarm over you and take you away from my arms.
On our last days, I thought it were just a bad storm and we’ll pull through it. You started eating well again, and then the next day you just wouldn’t care about the puree soup you used to like so much you bit the package. Your hair fell apart and you couldn’t groom yourself. My perfect baby looked so tender and fragile. And you were smaller than ever. 
Dear my baby Simone,
I hope you will be happy where you’re headed;
You’ll meet my older cat who will show you around.
Hang tight, and please be there--
Like you always are,
For when I’m gone I want you to be the first that I’ll see.