*A quite long and sad love story actually.

So they first met in their seventh grade, in an afternoon of autumn. She has just moved to his class this year, absolute stranger to all of his classmates. She was sitting next to him in the computer science lab classroom, referring a fact that his name and hers were put next to each other on the class list. She was away from the fellow girl that was moved with her in the very same situation, so she decided that she would make some new friends. He was the start.

Things came out well. She was not a very friendly girl, not even close. Rather, she was kinda nerdy. He was a real nerd, yet popular. While she got trouble getting along with the new classmates, things went smoothly with him. Rather because, he didn't really mind about people around himself; so she can just buzz around or sit quietly beside him. They would mostly mind their own things, and sometimes talk, very randomly. He was a smart kind of a kid. Smart kids would talk even when there's no one around. Yet she enjoyed his talking, sometimes mumbling, even though he wasn't specifically talking to her. (Perhaps he didn't even notice her presence.)

Being around him was fun, she realized. His knowledge was amazing. His jokes were intellectually funny. He was kind and nice. And, when she recall about him some years later, he had a really bright good-looking face that bring you good feelings when looking at. Most importantly, he didn't make her feel odd with all of her interests. (She is the kind of person who gets excited about everything. She is somewhat a nerd, after all.) And he had never rejected her questions, or presence.

So after a while, they started to kid around. The guy's curiosity was amazing. And for that, he sometimes tried to discover things in her bag, for examples, her diary. That curiosity got her to get angry and chase after him scolding. Still, they spent time together, half consciously. And some times later, rumours started.

She had never thought of him like a guy. He was the neighbour in computer science class, and a classmate. He was fun, and that was all. She rejected the rumour, strongly. He was having his own crush, so was she. So she decided to take action. Never had she foreseen her regret in later years, when she started to keep decent distance from him. The joy stopped.

--

Secondary school was over. The two managed to get into the same high school, and somehow, the same class. She found herself exhaling in relief knowing he was there too.

There were also computer science classes in high school. But for some reason they didn't sit in any specific order. So she lost her old computer-science-class-neighbour. Instead, she found a new one, who later became her best girl friend. They shared some feelings. The girl was pushed to the edge of the new community; while she stepped out, having difficult time trying to join the new community. So their friendship started.

The guy was still her friend, gladly. He was still kind and nice. He was still smart and interesting. And as she managed to become a part of the class, she pulled him in. They had amazing time, together. Being around him is fun, she then realized the fact, again.

He told her best friend that she knows him better than anyone.

Three years of high school passed by so fast that none of them could really noticed. And somewhere around graduation, he confessed his feelings to her best girl friend. Some part of her fell apart. Were all of those memories about her best friend and not herself? And that she was just a bridge?

--

She had never been a popular girl. She wasn't pretty, not even close. She wasn't out going, nor was she perceived as humorous. For those reasons, she had knew all along that no guy would put any eye on her. Yet, her heart ached a bit.

Still, she had prayed that the girl would say yes. They were her best friends after all. That way, both of them would be happy. She even got mad about her best-girl-friend when she rejected him. Yet, some part of her hurt.

For all the years they had spent together, never once did she thought about that different feeling she had toward him. Perhaps she didn't recognize it, or she didn't understand it, or she simply didn't dare to accept it. So when it all came to light, he had already make his confession, and she had already broke her heart.

--

If you ever been there, you would know that it hurts. Silently and severely. And yet you can do nothing about it. Because wrong choices remain wrong choices.

--

After the confess-reject incident, they - the three - managed to remain friends for some times. But then he started to move on, put behind all the past. Communications stopped. Chatting stopped. She knew he is gone, for good.

She dreamt about him sometimes, not many, but all are nice. As time passed, she had learnt to look back into her thoughts, and realized how much she had liked him. But it was too late. So every time, the memories brought her back with a smile sadly drawn.

--

She never say something like she is madly in love with him. That isn't quite the right phrase, although she did get somewhat mad thinking of him. Rather, she would call herself really liked him, or fell for him. But I know, for I have been with her since forever, some part of her loves him, very deeply, very much.

And the story was left unfinished, for the sadness is not yet gone.

18.02.2017