What are your fears when it comes to love?

Does love hurt?

Love never hurts. It's the sharing of joy in its purest form. When you love, you give and expect nothing in return. How can you get hurt when there's no expectation to be found? Then, whatever comes is purely good, and if nothing comes, well that too is good.

We've been bombarded by the mass media on the meaning of love. I bet you have at least once watched a film in which the main characters are afraid of love because "love hurts". Well, where there's fear around, love can not grow, because love and fear cannot coexist. While love means fearlessly opening yourself and reaching out to others, fear is to shrink into a shell where no one can reach out to you.

Your reasons for fear of love can range from a variety of possibilities.

First, everything changes, for without changes, nothing can grow and it soon dies. Love does, too. So don't expect someone to stay in love with you forever. By wishing that person to be by your side always, you are in fact trying to impose possession on your "belongings".

For fear of losing the other, you start trying to manage different aspects of his/her life. But what you fail to perceive is that freedom is the ultimate value which a person works their whole life to achieve.

Even love is secondary to freedom itself. It's a criterion: what gives you freedom is right, and things that destroy freedom are utterly wrong. Therefore, don't think of imposing restrictions to limit the other. It's bound to fail.

And if one day, your partner change his/her feelings, come to acceptance that love always change and it's something you cannot control.

Some are afraid that they may lose their identity once falling in love. With love, you are bound to change. You may change your appearance, your style. You learn how to make cake to prepare for the other's birthday, or you even try to listen to that genre of music you have never heard so that you can enjoy it with the other.

Are those equal losing yourself? No. Because, like what has been said, everything change, you change, and that's it. Sometimes, these changes may come with a negative feature, but those are stills change ones have during their lifetime, so it's nonsense to feel afraid of changing your routine, your habit, your preference.

On the other hand, the true self that you are born with never changes. Thanks to your being yourself, you are capable of love. And love encourages you to be yourself. It's a win-win situation of love and being yourself.

"Why doesn't he understand that I want him to buy that pair of boots for me?", "Why can't she cook as well as my mom?" You want a perfect person who doesn't exist; and if they exist, they won't even bother looking at you.

Once you're in a relationship, demands immediately enter. However, love has nothing to do with the other. You simply love just like you simply breathe even though the air may be contaminated. It's a natural function one is capable of since they were born. So don't ask for perfection in your love, otherwise, you may become unloving yourself.

It's no right of you to demand anything from anybody. Be thankful when somebody loves you because they don't have the obligation to love you.

So when you feel hurts while being in love, it's not love that hurts. It's you, your expectation, your misunderstanding.

Reference:

BEING IN LOVE by Osho