2024 is only in 3 weeks, I can't believe how fast this year goes. I have to say this year has been nice to me, I successfully settled down in a new city, with a good job, I've got some new friends, I use dating apps for the first time and have met some nice and interesting people. And I have learnt that putting myself first in every situation makes it much better or at least saves it from getting worse.
I actually am taking a bit of working time to write this (sorry boss) because the last weekend was a bit overwhelming to me with all the news and things that happen on Sunday. I had a not so great weekend, I think I've lost some friends over nothing, and received the news of one of my extended family member having health problem. I remember waking up yesterday (Sunday) thinking, what would I do today? I literally had no plan, I felt like I had a lot of free time which was not ok because I felt useless and alone (now come to think about it, it was totally ok doing nothing and being with yourself). I think partly because I was expecting too much from myself, so when I did not meet the expectation, I felt panic and anxious. Well, I sound so toxic in some way but trust me, it's not that bad :) So, I eventually did something on my own. But you know, Festive Season is not for singles. I've been totally fine on my own for the whole year, but I have to be honest, December is another situation. It's much harder. Everywhere I went, I saw couples, families, kids, which has been my dream for so long. Maybe in 3 weeks, something will change? Who knows :) I just hope for the best!
Then I came home and felt empty again, I was supposed to have this plan with a friend but somehow it became quite a mess and I did not join eventually. (cos I was not informed what the final plan was). Anyway, I decided to set this aside as I had too much already and there's absolutely no room for drama. I just don't really get it though..
Anyway, I decided to do something super cool and crazy on the last moment of 2023, just to release all the feelings that have been inside me for a while, and to know that I can do everything if I really want to and really go for it. I've never done it before in 32 years of my life so I am pretty nervous, but super excited. I hope it goes well. No matter what, I am gonna be so proud of myself for doing something like this. As of Dec 2023, I am quite confident to say that the past is behind me. I am up for the presence and always excited for what the future holds. My traumatic past have taught me so many valuable lessons. Even though I had to learn them in a very hard way (especially in the year 2020 coming to 2021, sometimes I thought I would never be able to do it). There are 2 quotes that I keep reminding myself: Time heals all pain and This too shall pass. These mantras have saved my so many times, when I am at my worst and even when I feel at best. This too shall pass. This reminds me to stay calm within thick and thin in life, this pushes me forward and this helps me to keep my faith, stay true to myself and do what I think is right. Well, I guess I am just trying to reassure myself about what happened last weekend (it was bad), there was one thing that saved my day. But I won't spill. Maybe in Jan, maybe I will update on my big important little 'project' of my own, or maybe not. But anyhow, this year has been a true blessing. I have been treated well, I have been protected and guided and I am reaching the end of 2023 with a much more stable mental status, and a healthier lifestyle. I think it's too soon to say anything to sum up 2023 as there are 3 more long weeks to go and who knows what's gonna happen during those weeks. But there is one thing for sure, "this too shall pass" and I am 100% prepared. 11/12/2023 L