(Perfect - part 2) The reality

(Part 2 - the reaction of other people)

All of my maids start to act kindly to me when they see my worth, they act as if they always care about me, even if I’m useless. All of that makes me sick, but there’s a maid that is closest to me – her name is Hanna, she did care about me if I was useless and unhelpful. She has raised me up since I was born, I feel as if she weren’t my maid anymore, she is a real friend to me. She is my right hand and my biggest motivation. In order not to let all the maids know that I already see through their flattery act, I act kind to them back.

When the journalist sees my ability, they all come to my palace and start to flatter me up. They all tried to ingratiate me, they asked about how I could be this perfect, they acted as if they loved me no matter what. They try to be friendly to me, they all become “real friends” who will accompany me on my way to be the future queen. I can clearly feel the fake words and actions. But the worst part is I have to act innocent in order not to let them know that I already see through their actions, I still have to smile bright and act kindly to them, even though they make me feel gross. Right after they left, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

And my father always tells me that he is proud of me, and he doesn’t really expect anything from me. He told me that everything I did was just so perfect. Do you know what? There is so much inconsistency in his words. He told me that he was proud of me and didn’t expect anything from me, but the next thing he said was that everything from me was perfect. It looks as if he didn’t want me to know that he expects a lot from me. I hate those feelings and words. The unclear words and the unsafe feelings make me overthink every night and day. I feel that I have to act innocent and perfect – which I actually do, to make my parents feel as if I was safe and sound in this palace. I knew that my parents had a lot to expect from me, they wanted me to be “perfect from every side” because a real princess has to be “perfect” and I am the future queen, too - the first and only queen in the whole history so I have to be perfect. And other countries will only look at me but judge the whole kingdom. I am the face of this royal and even the whole kingdom.

When I first achieve the “perfect princess” title, I feel like that is the reason why I'm sent to Earth, and that’s the reason why I am still living. But day by day, I feel as if I had to do more to be worthy of that title, but the more I tried, the more people expected me to do, and the bigger the title is. Not only the “perfect princess” title is a burden for me, my parents’ pride is also one. It is my responsibility to be worthy of people’s and parents’ expectations. I usually asked myself “Why do I have to do exactly what people expect?” Or “Why do I have to care about what people think of me?” And my little voice in my head answers it all, but not in a positive way. It told me that I was a princess, I had to do exactly what people what, I ran this kingdom for the people, not me. It also told me that if I don’t do that, people will soon hate me and spread rumors about me, do I want that to happen? I am the face of the royal, everything I did reflects what is happening in the kingdom. I got disheartened after hearing all the words that little voice said. I finally understand that that is the long road with no turning, being perfect once means that I have to be perfect until the end of my life. Eventually, I realize that I can only be more perfect, I don’t have any choice because I was the “perfect princess” once, so from now on, I have to maintain that title forever. If I don’t do that, people will think in the past I just show off and pretend to be perfect. They will spread many rumors and untrue things about me. Think of being hated by all the people in the kingdom makes me panic-stricken, so I make my decision – continued to carry the “perfect princess” title, that is the worst decision in my life, I swear.

In order to be more perfect, I have to understand people's mentality and thoughts, so I started to pay attention to people's feelings. My first object is the maids, I usually asked them if they had anything to worry about, I asked them to tell me their preoccupations. And every time I did that, I felt bad for them, they have many burdens wagging on their shoulders, I feel like mine is nothing compared to theirs. So, I listened to their story and tried my best to give them the best advice. I always tried my best to understand their feelings and change them into the information I need to be more perfect. I also invited the other ladies from different families to my tea party, and I took that opportunity to ask them about their worries and preoccupations. The more I knew about people's concerns, the more I realized how small my problems were. But people started to start the rumors that I was like a therapist, and I was so kind that I asked about other people's feelings and thoughts to fix their problems for them. There you see? Not all the things you heard are the truth, and even when you see it by yourself, it is not necessarily true. I always wonder why people flatter me too much, I am perfect, I know, but not that much. (To be continued)