Somehow my writings are all about love and relationships lol.. Well, just to clarify, my life is more than that but whenever I have problems in my emotional life, I always to go Spiderum to release, so...
Anyway, the story is I've been seeing this guy for a few months and started to develop feelings. We are not in the same city, so we don't meet each other quite often. At first, I just think of him as a casual date, hanging out, having fun, and never see each other again (because he's not from where I live). But somehow, we managed to stay in touch and I see him a few more times before I decided to let him know how I feel. The thing is, I've never done it in my life so it took me a lot of courage to finally say it out. But right at the moment I told him how I felt, there was a feeling of freedom and liberation. I felt strangely great in some way, even though I did know the answer yet. But I felt like I just did myself a favor and got this off my chest. I think I've been holding it long enough and I don't want to waste any more time to wait around for something I am not sure if ever happen. So, he rejected, he said it was not a rejection but I think it is:) He explains to me that because we live in different cities and he's not even around and eventually he won't be traveling that much. At that time I thought, well, if we want, we will figure out. But I didn't say anything as I wanted to respect his decision and the reason did not really matter. Of course, there is a sour feeling inside me, how can I be happy? But again, I choose to make peace with my emotion and let it flow naturally. I give myself a week to digest all the feelings and after that, move on with my life. Back to the dating phase, maybe? I am not sure yet, but anyhow, that was a great experience that I want to note it down and remember it for a long while. It doesn't feel good being rejected, but it's so worth the shot. If I never tell him, I would never know how he thinks and keep second guessing and living in my fantasy that someday we will end up together :D
Telling him and getting rejected is the best way to push me forward, remind me to keep moving and also, knowing that there's nothing I can't do, I conquer my fear and did something quite extraordinary (to me, I am normally super shy and introvert). Alright, thanks 2023 for the experience and many more. And welcome 2024 with a fresh start. And I will keep "dragging" myself forward to the place where I want to be. Way to go!! I can do it! 2.1.2024