Friday evening, I get so tired and feel like I’m drowning.
Everything at work is messed up.
Some times I feel like I have a serious problem with managing and organizing my thoughts. Every single second, tons of ideas and thoughts flow into my mind without any order and can't be stopped. They got me lost.
Is that a syndrome of ADHD?
I actually googled about ADHD and guess what, I don’t even have a haft of the syndromes of ADHD.
Maybe I got an issue with my brain that hasn’t been found out. But until it’s found, I’m totally normal.
So, I’m just self-doubting.
I notice every time I’m stressed and don’t satisfy with myself, I doubt about my abilities.
I thought I couldn’t do things because I’m just… useless. Although I worked my ass off, I couldn’t catch up with others.
It’s terrible to feel like a loser.
There are 2 reasons that make me feel that way: the lack of achievement and stress.
About the lack of achievement,
When you work hard on something, you expect your effort will pay off, things will get done. 
But it’s actually not, and even get messed up. Then you disappointed with yourself. You wonder “Am I doing wrong?”, “Am I so stupid that I can’t do it the right way regardless of how much effort I put in it?”
Linking to running, running is so painful. I’ve run long enough to get bored with it. But what keeps me running is the moment when I see my finish line in front of me. At that moment, I told myself that “Finally!! I’m almost there, and I’m gonna make it”.
Because I see the finish line, I know that I’m gonna make it. But running is just about your mind and your muscle.
When it comes to work, you can’t just try and expect things will go well. It’s about your knowledge, your skills, your intelligence, etc.
No achievement may really mean you're not good enough. Sadly.
When you try too hard, you will easily get stressed. Maybe I didn’t sleep enough. Maybe I didn’t spend time to get balanced. And stress leads to negative thoughts, which include self-doubting.
I made myself a tight daily schedule. Running, reading, daily writing, working, singing (practice for a company party), learning, (and recently) dating at weekend (I consider spending time on dating is a kind of investment LOL).
But I forget to make some me-time. Accidently, I’m overwhelmed by my own pressure.
It’s quite strange that when I write these words, I feel much relieved. Writing seems to be a good way to listen to and connect with yourself. The quite of the office at 9 pm. No distraction. No crowd noise. Only me with myself. I will consider writing on Friday night more often then :))
I’m never good at making a conclusion for my blog posts. So, that’s it!