“Oh child, just do what you love, ‘cause you won’t get this life I started out 2018 without any direction. I lost my motivation in studying. I hated classes and grew bored of learning. I sunk into the revision for standardized tests, ones that I have been hating ever since. That was a period that til now, I still can’t figure out what went wrong for me. I had all the things one could dream of: free education, accommodation and a great chance to thrive in an environment that is, after all, not that bad and full of opportunity.
A pity, it seems.
I lost more than I received in 2018. I was angry more often and happy less in 2018. I lived a toxicating lifestyle, I spread hatred and frustration towards my family, my friends, and my beloved ones. 
I broke the hearts of the ones I love, and in the process, broke mine.
I found my first love in 2017 and lost her in 2018. 
I found someone who truly cares about me, or to be more precise, who truly cared and loved me. And I pushed her away. It seems that I have a special talent in obliterating things around me. One I wish I never had.
I lost a couple of friends. Some because of who they are. Some because of who I am. And I am badly sorry about that. I regret every single time I lost myself, every single time when I was an ignorant, selfish and arrogant prick.
I lost a couple of friends. Some because of who they are. Some because of who I am. And I am badly sorry about that. I regret every single time I lost myself, every single time when I was an ignorant, selfish and arrogant prick.
Well, I fucked up my 2018, and others’ 2018 too.
But as people said, “It is no use crying over spilled milk”. At least, I did do something - positive I guess - to the 365 days of last year.
I did try, after all. In education, in relationships, in the college application process. Not all hardship pays off, but I am proud that I did stand up and do something. 
I am proud that 2018 is the year that I really stood up for something. For my beliefs, for others’ beliefs, for my viewpoint on the world, and for my dreams to flourish. And in those fights, I find myself. I understand myself and others more, and I am grateful for all those experience, though not always pleasant, ever since.
I am proud of my friends. Of the 26 friends that I am so damn lucky to have. Thank you for being part of my journey. Sorry for being part of your nuisance. From the bottom of my heart, I believe that you guys are all great individuals, and together, we have been a great team. Twenty years may pass, but I will not forget how happy I am being part of this.
And I am super proud of the dog meat project (which I delayed the deadline for so many times). Big thanks to all my teammates who have been so engaged with the topic since day 1.
Maybe I didn’t fuck up 2018.
And finally, BRACE YOURSELF FOR 2019!!!
I will be experiencing lots of new stuff. A new college, lots of new friends. A new country, some new roommates. Graduation day is gonna be awesome. I will try to reconcile every relationship that I have while making new ones. I will probably love someone and hope that things may go well this time haha. 
After all, to be human is to love. Isn’t it?