Clone & Sorrow

A day in my life ! Not same as yesterday and not same as tomorrow, too !

Ok, this is a clone account ! I use it to confess ! A funny thing in Spiderum is English Zone ! It maybe not work as a topic ! It's mostly a confession to tell something not by Vietnamese ! ( Sorry if i don't use English correctly, it's not important, right ?)Maybe people feel more safe when we wile ourselves by thinking that " Oh, somebody'll be albe to know, some not, and it's ok, right?"

Ok, and today's a boring day :)) So fucking much sorrow in my heart <3 ! Not high-flown, i''ll start immediately !

I'm the first year student in a expensive university ! So, u can understand the first problem with me, ok, this is money ! Luckily, i don't have to manage my life myself ! Each month, i still receive a little from my mom ! OK, but, it's too little ! I never ask anything more, i wanna more but i don't ask anymore !OK, my dad don't have a stable job ! He's at home and just go to company when somebody take phone and tell him"Hey, something need u to complete, go to here now" Ok, but , but he don't tell this to me ! Everything is ok when i was at home 2 month ago! Ok, at this time, he's not full, he's never full but now, he's worse ! And he don't wanna make me worry about it ! Ok, but i'm old enough to see something ! And it makes me really worry ! 

Somebody'll say :"You are so fcking weak, some student have to pay all their tuition fee and they go to school without complain,so u're 18+ and  control ur life alone, shut up "

Ok, fine, i know it and ok, i don't feel better ! I don't care ! Any change can make trouble ! And this trouble is making me feel not ok ! What can i do to earn money ! Tutor ? Waiter ? 6 hours for a shift with waiter and so far from my place without bicycle or motorbike for tutor ! So, do u recommend me more? 

My younger sister's in 9 grade ! And her tuition fee 's so fking expensive, too ! Ok, totally, i'm in trouble with $, i can't earn $ and i can't cut down $ in food ( i don't play anything much ) , my dad's in trouble with jobs, my sister has same expensive tuition fee ! Ok !

The second problem is my blood ! Don't think about the liquid in body ! Ok, i'm talking about my grandfather, my parents and my sister ! I don't wanna grow ! So, if u miss home when u're away but u know, u'll hate there when u live there for a long time !  ok, it 's a true which i can;t explain why ! In this time one year ago, the cancer, bullshit cancer took my grandmother away. I'm so hurt and it still make me breatheless when i think about it ! Uh huh ! And my grandfather 's being older ! I can say it in a sorrow !But he loves me much ! It hurts me deeper ! I love them, all my blood ! I can't do anything ! Two thing i hate most in my life is impotent and have to wait ! And i have to be impotent when see cancer took my grandmother away day by day, see her have pain without any help ! I can't cry, so fcking for that ! And now, my grandfather 's being older aand again i can't do anything except looking it !

 

My parents have something in their rela ! The jealous of my dad make my mom unhappy ! And the most terrible thing is " I don't have to witness it , my sister does and she's a 9th grade student"

No, everything started when i was at 12 class ! Too enough for 17 ! But now, i don't wanna it make st not ok to my sister ! And again, i don't know how to solve this problem ! Ok, again, impotent won !

My sister doesn't study well ! I was used to learn quite well with a lot of prizes in many competition during 12 years !But my sister doesn't ! She can't learn as me and she's not good ! Despite not being bad but her ability don't make me ez @! I taught her something and she's progressing ! 

At least, it makes me quite comfortable !

The third problem is my relationship ! Oh, right, so fking long ! Love's making this social crazy all time ! And it's making the same to me ! Oh, my lover ! Can i call her lover ? Do i really love her ? Does she really love me ?! Our messenger still set pink color, set nickname as wife and husband ! ok, in this age, it's called "LOVE" ! No, i don' feel same as before ! I don't feel empty when i don;t talk to her for a long time ! I don't miss her ! Sometime, she sent me some her photoes ! And she's strange ! WWTTFF STRANGE ! She doesn't study same university wwith me ! And after a time, wwtff, how can strange ? She 's the person i love a lot ! She encouraged me when i was lovesick , she's beside me when i feel hurt when my grandmother passed away, she's the girl made my 17 better, saved my 17 and the main factor helped me win a place at university ,etc! We were used to do a lot of thing together ! But now, what's those eyes? What're thoes lips ? 

How can i feel strange ? How don't i miss u as before ? And ur words, it's not same ! How can ? 

I don't love any different girl ! And u? But do i love u?

Hmmmmmmmmmm, so much sorrow and the weather's so cold !

Today is the last day i can be at home before coming back to HN tomorrow ! I'll sleep now, hug my sister ! Tomorrow in Hn, i'll sleep without this warm and i'll sleep and miss her, miss my parents and my grandfather !

Today is a hard day ! And all thing we can do is hope in future ! Goodbye !