Well, there's someone that I want to be with but we are on different paths ...
I'm living my life, not to my will, but to others' wills, dreams and expectations.
I force myself to be perfect in everything.
I study to the best of my ability just to achieve the worst of someone's capability.
Life and schools and how it takes a toll on ones' mind and will.
Getting all the best out of me. It's so hard.
Scared to fall in love because I don't want to lose it again.
I want to believe that my world can still change.
But I can't even see just a stitch of light.
It makes me really sad that I have to struggle with anxiety, which makes it harder for me to play basketball.

I'm worried about my conditions because the only girlfriend that I has ever had left me for some friend of mine.
The urge from my parents to finish my college application process vs. the offer to play basketball professionally in my hometown.
How to live as I was meant to be without losing my passion.
My girlfriend, she worried about me.
I'm tired and depressed. I find no fun in anything and feel alone. 
Writing shit like this is the only reason why I'm still somewhat content.
I'm trying to express all my potential hidden behide my shyness.
My ex recently got back in my life and I still have strong feelings for her. I won't get to see her for the next 4 years so everything is very unclear. I want to be with her again and this time make it work.
She is perfect, but she has a boyfriend and I have to accept it. It's a hard pill to swallow. We are both going abroad for studying in 8 months and I fucking dread the moment she'll have to leave. So I play tons of basketball these days.
Why can't I just live like I'll never die?
Just let it all go. And slowly I'll fade.
And reality will fall away.
Cause I'm losing my mind and I can't stop.
But if I don't breathe, then I'll never see.
That life itself is a masterpiece.
We're so insignificant yet so special; so loving yet so destructive; we are the reflection of our transcendence!