This is the first time I write something serious (may be not serious like I imagine before writing this) in English on Spiderum. I think it would be a terrible essay with full of spelling mistakes and uncountable stupid sentences, forgive me if you see it.
I think I would write somethings cool about my life but I don't even remember I had that kind of moment. I think a lot about the opportunities I have that can change my life but they're all missing with my hesitation. I also think more about  girls I have only one change to meet and talk then all have gone out of my life because i don't dare to move on.
I have a 8 a.m - 5p.m job to maintain my life. I write "maintenance" because it is exactly describe what I did. In our software engineering major, it is a technical term aim the work needed to keep your software in normal condition to make sure everything is not down and i do same thing for my life. I had my own dream too. I thought about great things, imagined what and how I would become. Everything seems in my palm of hand, when i am in front of crowd and feel  all are adore me.  Or something simple just like learn new language, have good body. I ever tried. Almost failed. I achieved some small things like quit job twice to find another having higher salary.  But it does not even matter. When i scroll fb newfeeds, watch again and again photo of some friends who work aboard in Western country or get a Master degree of a famous university in another country. I find more photos where they check-in on a ancient streets or under the cherry trees. I wonder what I really want in my life and if they are all purpose I dream to achieve. It reminds me to some character in  The Fountainhead. I am no sure i am just a downgrade version of Peter Keating, done all things in life under the influence of others but not even gain any fake success or maybe a Steven Mallory, always question my own existence, sometimes, nearly found the ego but stuck in pressure of others and choose to do nothing. Maybe none of both is correct. I simply like thousand people out there who ever think they are the center of the universe but fail to prove themselves and only one thing they can do is accept the truth, right?
All above lines are just messy thoughts running through my head in these night i can not close my eyes. It is hard for me to arrange all of them to write down and i feel silly when read again. Anyways thanks for reading my post.