What do you expect from life?
This is the first time I write something serious (may be not serious like I imagine before writing this) in English on Spiderum. I...
This is the first time I write something serious (may be not serious like I imagine before writing this) in English on Spiderum. I think it would be a terrible essay with full of spelling mistakes and uncountable stupid sentences, forgive me if you see it.
I think I would write somethings cool about my life but I don't even remember I had that kind of moment. I think a lot about the opportunities I have that can change my life but they're all missing with my hesitation. I also think more about girls I have only one change to meet and talk then all have gone out of my life because i don't dare to move on.
I have a 8 a.m - 5p.m job to maintain my life. I write "maintenance" because it is exactly describe what I did. In our software engineering major, it is a technical term aim the work needed to keep your software in normal condition to make sure everything is not down and i do same thing for my life. I had my own dream too. I thought about great things, imagined what and how I would become. Everything seems in my palm of hand, when i am in front of crowd and feel all are adore me. Or something simple just like learn new language, have good body. I ever tried. Almost failed. I achieved some small things like quit job twice to find another having higher salary. But it does not even matter. When i scroll fb newfeeds, watch again and again photo of some friends who work aboard in Western country or get a Master degree of a famous university in another country. I find more photos where they check-in on a ancient streets or under the cherry trees. I wonder what I really want in my life and if they are all purpose I dream to achieve. It reminds me to some character in The Fountainhead. I am no sure i am just a downgrade version of Peter Keating, done all things in life under the influence of others but not even gain any fake success or maybe a Steven Mallory, always question my own existence, sometimes, nearly found the ego but stuck in pressure of others and choose to do nothing. Maybe none of both is correct. I simply like thousand people out there who ever think they are the center of the universe but fail to prove themselves and only one thing they can do is accept the truth, right?
All above lines are just messy thoughts running through my head in these night i can not close my eyes. It is hard for me to arrange all of them to write down and i feel silly when read again. Anyways thanks for reading my post.
PhOnG_
@phongnt94
English Zone
/english-zone
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Costello
Hi there, I rarely comment on anything but I then I felt an urge to write 'cause I found much of myself in your writing. When I was little, I thought that I was special and would become a great great person with some universal missions to carry. I KNEW it. Then I grew up, worked hard, achieved some and was never satisfied. There would always be someone who was better richer prettier fancier than me. Their Facebook posts are the last thing I wanna see. Compared to them, Im so average, nothing great. I dont even have a purpose in my life.
And then, I'm so tired of whinning. I realised that basically this is everyone's lives (well, most of) and it doesnt have to be so tasteless hopelessly. I know that that teeny- tiny hope of living a bigger live then myself is still there. What I need is to find something I love, desire that could light up my heart just by thinking about it. And live for it, every night and day. Honestly, I dont care how many countries they have traveled or which Australia med uni they graduted from. I'm living for me and I'm so proud of that.
You said that you had dreams and everything seems to be in the palm of your hand. That's true man. They are in your hands. But you gotta fight hard for your OWN dreams. Peter Keating is just a misery piece of sh. Forget bout him. Think bout how it feels to stand on top of your building like Howard Roark making life so worth it.
(Sogy for writting too long. Hope you'll read all of this:))
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PhOnG_
I read all of this, girl. It is nice when know someone sharing the same feeling with me. You're right about find something/someone could light up our heart and live for them. Hope the best will come to you and me too.
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Whitebear004
Thank you for sharing this. I am not sure how old are you but I am having the same feelings. Sometimes do not know what I want and what is the purpose of this life. This is a kind of "middle crisis" symptom and people said it would be over soon. I thought could be find something in religion or so to fulfill the purpose of life, but when I read a book by Yuval Noah Harari about "storyteller" so I just stop it. All expectations we get automatically from social, school, parent and finally we wonder is that what we want? or just somebody/social media is telling the expectations through me. It is time to look inside to focus on our thoughts, our sensations, and might be we know what we really want. it is a long and hard journey due to tonnes of information through social media today. Just some thoughts ^_^
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