I know you have been stuck in a situation in which you thought you couldn’t get out of it: it was too unbearable and trying to find a way out was something almost impossible to consider. You saw yourself lost, hopeless, and dreaming with a moment where someone could offer you some help to guide you away from the problem (at least for a bit) so you could see things clearer.
To make things a bit simpler and quicker: the only person that can actually help you is yourself, and no one else. But, at the same time, we need others in our lives since we are social, communal beings. It seems a paradox to say that things depend on us but, at the same time, we need other people. How come this is possible?
I’ll tell my own story to try to illustrate what I mean to say.
Everyone has something they struggle with in life, something they find extremely difficult to do even though for other people it might seem like it’s the easiest thing ever. We all have been there: we say we struggle with something and the person to laughs in our face and says “how come you don’t know how to do that?”. I’m sure a situation like that has happened to all of us, and the best way to deal with it is to acknowledge that everyone has something they need to work on. And focus on our own journey. To me, I found out I struggle with asking for help.
For several reasons, we have specific difficulties in approaching a certain aspect of life and with time I started to understand why one of my most difficult issues (not just mine) is in asking for help. And one of the most interesting facts about it is that until very recently, I never realized it was an issue in the first place. It’s normally like that: the things that we struggle with the most are, quite frequently, the ones we cannot see for ourselves because, probably, we were educated to act in a certain way and, therefore, we don’t even question those behaviors and thinking patterns that are perpetuating these difficulties. So, being around people and passing through different situations helped me understand what are the things I struggle with and realized that I could, actually, improve my life by confronting uncomfortable situations and having some input on how to improve myself.
To give a more tangible example, let’s pretend I have difficulties in terms of preparing a presentation about an article I read. To tackle this issue, I’d probably use a piece of paper to write down things that I find could help me out, try to research ways of preparing better presentations, watch youtube videos, see what other successful people are doing and try to see what I can use to benefit myself. Plenty of different ideas and strategies when it comes to sorting out my problem. That’s great! But, something I would never do: ask the person who did a great presentation to help me out. Never! It was an unthinkable act. I wouldn’t even put down this possibility because it wouldn’t even be one for me. And now the second part of the scenario comes: if I fail to do a great presentation, I play the victim. By doing that, I always find a great excuse to keep repeating on my own mistakes: “this person is too good and I’m not”, “I’ll never be able to create a good presentation anyway”, “If I had what this person has, I’d be the same as she is…”, “This person could have come to me to help me out as they saw me with difficulties!”, “No one ever helps me anyway…” …
To summarize, I’ll break down what I’m trying to explain in small pieces:
Everybody has problems (e.g.: not being able to ask for help)Once I acknowledge the problem, I am the only one that’s able to sort that out (e.g.: Now I know that I have a problem in the first place and I can organize myself to tackle that issue)I am responsible for my own problems (e.g.: I need to deal with this difficulty of mine)I can create ways to make it better for myself (e.g.: asking for help)Bonus part: I am not alone (e.g.: people will have different perspectives on how I can improve my life and that can be really beneficial for me)
To conclude, I realize that I am the only one responsible for creating the life I want (since the life is my own and not anyone else’s) but I can structure my surroundings to make my life better for myself. It can be tricky to find ways to make sure you surround yourself with stuff that will make you grow and the path towards success can, and will be an odd, turbulent one (sometimes you fail, sometimes you succeed and sometimes you just stay the same). But there’s beauty in it: you are trying to improve your own life. Don’t expect to be great 100% of the time and make sure you have people that understand this uneven and hard process by your side and will cheer for you when you achieve a better place in life! Surround yourself with elements that will bring you peace, strength, and a big embrace when you feel your life is falling apart. And always be grateful for being alive, with the energy to switch things around and create a better life for yourself.