What is your way to meditate?
Mine is to create another reality.
1.
My Dream Jar has been broken recently.
I believe we each of us has a Dream Jar in our soul, where we stored our Dreams, Memories and Wishes.
I haven't dreamed recently. Maybe that's why The Jar got broken - as I had so much Wishes and Dreams and Memories I wanted to experience in my sleep, but then failed to do so.
So what will happen when a Dream Jar broke? Once it was broke, would the monster in our dream get out and haunt us and our beloved? Or would we get hurt by collecting its broken pieces?
Let me tell you about that.
2.
I got lost in other realities again and again.
It started with little cracks. So small you couldn't recognize them: a glimpse of long black hair with red highlights, an acute glance, a blue shirt.
But then the cracks get bigger. And all colours from your past rush out. It feels like you are at the bottom of the ocean, you can see everything so clear but at the same time, you are drowning. You cannot ask for help, because not everyone can see what you see and can feel what you feel. You are scared of being judged, and being pitied so much that you remain silent.
And that's when the symptoms got worse.
3.
As my Jar was broken, the phantom of my ex now is haunting me.
The first time I saw her was 2 days ago, when I was chatting with my new Tinder matched.
"I don't know that your taste now becomes this bad. Being starved for too long?"
I turned around and saw Her - my ex girlfriend. As gorgeous, and as sarcastic as she always was.
But there are something weird about this: (1) we broke up months ago and I hadn't contact her since then (2) I am now in Russia, and the last time I checked, she is still with her family in Vietnam (3) she looks deadly pale.
4.
No I hadn't killed anyone in my life before. And I don't think I had any connection with The Other World or summoned any Evil Red Friends. I accepted the fact that her phantom was here simply because I had a love debt for her.
I watch her ghosting around the house, making such ironic comments about my gout of decoration. What should I do now?
At first, I tried to ignore her. But it's just so hard to ignore someone who keeps yelling you not to take a shower after 11 PM, to get your coat and facemask on whenever you go out, to sleep before 1 AM. So we had conversation, like adults to adults. I started first:
"You should stop control me and my life like that. We broke up. Plus, you are now just a phantom. You had no human rights!"
"Oh, now we talk about human rights. So what is my phantom rights? I could just move on to a better Future, but then I got stuck because of you and your sloppy behaviors!"
"Why the hell is this about me again? Stop being so childish!"
"Who is being childish you are such a......"
Okay I guess I have to accept the fact that she will be here for a while.
5.
I am meeting somebody. Let's call her T. She is as stunning and intelligent as my Ex, and way more caring and much sweeter. T has a lot of self-control, unlike her.
I had to admit I was quite shallow. I want to be the winner of this illusory who-recovers-faster-after-breaking-up competition. And "win" here means "no sorrow", or "having a better lover". I believe so. 
Oh well I know it doesn't work that way. But I just don't want to be sad. I don't want other to feel pity for me. Yes, I know what I should do: focus on myself. This is just one stage of the healing process. It will pass, and I will be okay.
But this stage is quite long. And I'm getting tired. At the beginning of the stage, I didn't want to do anything but crying. Pathetic! I know. Until I met T and got to know her better, she became my motivation since then.
When we are weak, we need other to raise us up, right?
But then the phantom of my ex decided to re-enter my life, affect this new-born relationship.
6.
"How can she doesn't know that you hate onion and tomato? You said that you guys have been dating for 2 days and she still doesn't know? What kind of love is that? I've known it in our very first date!"
"Stop it! I didn't tell her that! She is not a mind-reader!" - I whisper.
T is sitting right next to me. We are having dinner at her cozy house. And my Phantom Ex? Well she is right here with us, keep throwing unneeded comments into the air.
T smiles when her eyes catch mine again - "Is there something on my face? You keep looking at me."
"Yes, the shine of beauty. But I prefer it to be there" - I reply, give her the warmest smile
"Ohhhh this is also something you told me when we were dating!" - the phantom yells with her brightest smile - "Turn out you have such limited pick-up line sources hah? And also that look. Exactly the same! You should be an actor someday!"
Keeping the smile as warm as I could, I finished my dishes while the phantom keeps annoying around. But the smile fade immediately when I saw the phantom moved into T's body.
"Hey, what do you think about that?" - T says my ex's most common sentence with my ex's voice and gives me my's ex ironic smile.
My stomach is inside out and I can almost feel the dinner at the end of my tongue. I feel unwell.
"T, I need to tell you this." - I mumble - "You may not believe it but.. the phantom of my ex is haunting me."
7.
I lay on bed for the next whole day. The phantom is still here.
When I check my phone, there was a message from T:
"I think you should give yourself some time to recover first."
I cover my eyes by my hands, talk to the floating phantom:
"Don't you know I'm trying my best to get rid of you this whole time? And now when I'm finally meeting someone who I think that will suit me most, you suddenly appear? You cannot just jump out of nowhere and mess my life up like this.."
A long silence. Then, she replied:
"You shouldn't have done that"
"Done what?"
She sighed.
"What do you want baby? If you want me to be back, then you got my number, you had your time and I had mine. We can be different people and then dating again. Gain my trust. Better done that than never. You have already known what to do.
And if you don't want to, then just go, fucking move on. Commit to yourself or to someone else. Throw my stuff away. Stop finding me in crowded places. Stop going to my blog. Stop checking our mutual Instagram to see if I left any message behind.
Choose a side! Don't be at the middle. You can't just create a reality where I am dead, and somehow I am still next to you to hide away from the pain that actually, I'm still alive, and I don't want you to be back."
8.
She has gone but the cracks are still there.
Sometimes I still see her. The long black hair with red highlights, the acute glance, the blue shirt.
But I know it's time to let her go. The colours fade away. And I cherish every drop of them until there is no more.
"It's okay" - I told myself while I was picking up the broken pieces of Our Past Dreams, trying to rebuild my new one - "Little by little. This is just a part of the process. Maybe not today, but eventually, my Jar will be fixed".
And I know that day will come soon.