(Perfect – part 1) The perfection

Title: Perfect.

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She is a princess. The perfect princess that everyone dreams about, the one that every girl wanted to be when they were young. She is gorgeous, elegant, kind, and intelligent. She is perfect, there is no word that can describe her fully.

Those were the words she often received or overheard. Everyone is comparing themselves with her, which makes her feel happy. She is perfect from every side, singing, dancing, drawing, and even politics – the thing that a true princess shouldn’t learn. Her parents – the king and queen are very proud of her, but that proudness slowly becomes a burden for her. She has to do something to be worthy of that pride. The more she tries to be worthy of it, the bigger it becomes. Not only is her parents’ pride that is the burden for her, but the “perfect princess” title is also one of them. And it is her responsibility to be worthy of people’s expectations.

 Her father usually tells her: “I’m very proud of you. I don’t really expect anything from you. Everything you did is just so perfect dear” But deep down inside, she knows that her parent expected a lot from her, they just don’t show it out. Even though they don’t, ever since she has always been perfect from every side, she has to continue to be like that until the end of her life. What if she doesn’t? Well, people will think that she is being lazy, they will think that in the past she is just pretending to be perfect. Why should she care about what people think about her? She has to, she is a princess, she is the face of the palace.

So, she chooses to continue to be perfect, she works hard, hard enough to make every teacher teach her shocked by her ability “Wow, you are so smart. How can you be like that? I wish that I were you” That is the words she usually hears from her teachers. She is proud. That pride and confidence is the force that keeps her perfect.

She acts kind to everyone, even to her maid. She is always the therapist and psychologist of the palace. When someone tells her their problems, she will listen to them, understand their worries and give them advice - which is very useful. She always understands people and forgives all their mistakes. She is no longer a “perfect princess”, she is an angel. People won’t believe there is an angel until they meet her, she is truly an angel.

She is still perfect though, no word can describe her fully. Everything she does is flawless. But hide under that perfect mask is depression, anxiety, stress, bewilderment. The tiredness of being perfect torture her every day. At first, she thought it was just stress from studying so she didn’t pay much attention to that. But slowly, day by year, without her notice, that tiredness corroded her from the inside.

Back to the beginning, at first, she is imperfect—just like everyone is, but she tries hard. She is hard on herself, she knows that she has to be perfect. Day after day, she had become the most perfect version of herself. Year after year, everyone looks at her and starts to compare themselves with her—she has become the " perfect princess". And now, that perfection has become overcontrol. It is torturing her down, the perfection she had dreamed about every night has now become a nightmare for her.

Not because she doesn’t want to be perfect anymore, but being perfect is just so overwhelming. Her every move is noticed by people in her kingdom and even the world. She had to be careful every inch, everything she does has to be flawless.

Life is not equal to death, her every day is like hell, no, even worse than hell. She can’t share her feelings or thoughts with anyone, she has to be a “perfect princess” and a “perfect princess” will not have things to be concerned about. Even though it hurt a lot inside, she still has to smile bright, she is not allowed to cry, she has to be perfect. Even though she has many preoccupations, she still has to care for other people’s feelings. And even though she can’t even find a way to solve her problems, she still has to understand her people’s worries and concerns, she still has to give them advice.

And because the definition of perfect is infallible, faultless and flawless, wonderful, excellent, she is not allowed to show off her bad side because a truly “perfect princess” will not have a bad side or flaw. Day by year, all her problems keep getting bigger and bigger, but she still tries to hide them away, she keeps trying to be the “perfect princess” that everyone dreams about.

Then, what happens will happen, that day finally came, the day that she got to know about death and suicide. At first, just like her mental issues, she doesn’t pay much attention to that. But, as said before, what happens will happen, death keeps messing with her head. Slowly, it has changed her mind, death right now is like salvation to her. From her point of view, death will release her from this hell on earth. The temptation of death keeps seducing her, it is always on her mind, no matter what she is doing. Death is like a drug, a tranquilizer, medicine to free her from her problems. Death is not something scary, it isn’t as people usually said, death is like mercy to her. At first, it was just a thought, thinking, but little by little it has become something she has to achieve. So, she finds ways to suicide, she finds out about how do people die. The more she knows about it, the more she wants to achieve it in the fastest, lightest, and most painless way. But those alone are not enough, she wants to die in the most perfect way, she wants to be perfect even when she dies. The more she learns about it, the more she gets addicted to it. It looks like Satan and the devils are enchanting her. She believes that the only way to get rid of this hell on earth is to pass away.

And that day finally came, the day that she decides that “this is the day I will commit suicide”, then she finds the sleeping pillbox. She lays down in her bed, prays to God, and apologizes to him, then she swallows 10 sleeping pills… soon, she passes out. The next thing she knows is… she is in heaven

Totally shocked, she looks around and sees herself on a bed in heaven, and there is an angel, a real angel. It is standing near her, “it” looks like a female angel, it has a pair of wings on the back and it looks dazzling. It turns to her, sit down, and said “First of all, I want to thank you because even when you are broken inside, you always make peoples feel good. Even when you are at your lowest, you always make other people know that they are perfect and gorgeous. And thank you because you didn’t bring negativity to people around you, and thank you because you always try your best to be a “perfect princess”. However, I cannot let you die yet, you still have things to do, you still have people to care about. I know it is really hard and tired, but I will always be here for you. When you want to talk about your feeling or thoughts that you can’t share with anyone, just call me by my name, I will be there for you. I will always be by your side, it’s okay not to be fine. You are not God, even God has sadness. If you are sad, just cry. If you are angry, just let it go, don’t pretend that you are okay. And one last thing, you don’t have to try so hard to be a “perfect princess from every side”, no one is perfect in every way. Everyone is perfect the way they are, you don’t have to try so hard, just be yourself. That is the most important thing, my dear. Now, I will send you back to earth, everyone is waiting for you, you are not alone, you have me by your side. Now, my little princess, let’s go”

After hearing all of that, she cries, for the first time in her life. She was so shocked by the things that the angel had said, that angel is the first person that said “you just have to be yourself”. And for the first time in her life, there is a person that said they got her back, and that they will always be on her side.

The angel wipes off her tears and continues “Do you want a little conversation before returning home?” And doesn’t let her answer, it continues monologue again “I have been watching you for a long time ago. You are very wonderful, I have been admiring you since I started observing. I have always wanted to talk to you like this, but I never expected this soon. But from now on, I hope that you can live a peaceful life, with no more constraints. I will always get your back, I won’t motivate you by “try your best” because I know that you are always, always try your best on everything, I will say “I will always be here for you”. Okay. Is it alright now? How do you feel? Much better, ha? I’m running out of time right now but, one last thing, whenever you feel like dying, just call my name, I will always be right there for you. Now, return to earth, my little princess, everyone is waiting for you, your parents are crying beside your bed, now, let’s go!”

Right after that, the angel picks her up and sends her back to her own body. Suddenly, she wakes up, all the doctors are surprised, they said that she just died in 10 minutes. Her parents hug her tight, they are very happy about that.

From then on back, whenever she feels tired, sad, or angry, she always calls the angel's name. And that angel always appears when the princess needs it. It always listens to her story and understands the princess' feelings, just like the way the princess did to other people.

~THANK YOU FOR READING~

@Nathalie