“Our destinies have been entwined, but never joined”
I can’t remember how many times you’ve made me cry, but I know one thing for sure is that you’ve made me smile more than that. The problem about an on-and-off relationship is that it hurts you more than you can enjoy it. It’s a relationship where one of you can’t break up.
I can’t count how many pictures of you that I’ve kept in my phone. I can feel your feelings towards me but I know that I’ve loved you more than you’ve loved me. Yes, it is true that I’m the one who forces you into this relationship. From the beginning, you came to me as a friend. But the moment I first saw you, I lost control over myself. You were so beautiful and polite. Sometimes you held my hand to cross the street. You were always the one who took me to fascinating places and all I did was just sit behind you and hold you tightly. I was so drunk in love without noticing how you felt.
Thank you for your determination to end our relationship, which is something I never have the courage to do. I love you and I’m not ashamed to say that. It is such a shame that we are just two straight lines which only collide with each other once. We can’t just pretend that we are lovers anymore. We are both exhausted and done.
My problem is that I just blindly dive into finding a relationship over and over again. Maybe I just want to prove to everyone that I’m capable of having a lover. But the more I do that, the more I lose myself. Part of me dies after each breakup. I become weaker and more desperate for love… My worst fear about relationships is abandonment. I’m afraid of being lonely so much. Maybe that’s why I can’t stand being single for so long. I’m not so innocent anymore and I’m not proud of that. If I could just experience love for the first time again, I would give up anything to have that.
Bye TP - 1:00 AM April 4th, 2022.