Nobody needs to know.

An odd emotion struck me when I was driving yesterday. I was taking her home, holding hands, listening to music while it was raining. I listened to all those wonderful songs, and then the atmostphere became ... different. I thought that, all those songs I listened to, all those beautiful sounds I enjoyed so much, will there ever be those that are my creations? An then I teared up upon thinking there could be none.

I just don't know what's the deal about music that obsessed me so much. I just know that I love it with all my being.

So, what can I do with the time I have in this life? Yes I want it. That's a big dream, but not entirely impossible. Hell, it is certainly not.

Hey, break that down into the smallest steps. Right now that dream sounds impossible, just like standing on the ground looking up a mountain top. But taking a step forward is always doable, and then you can just keep walking towards that peak. Yep, that's how you experience the becoming.

Just take that step, enjoy the process, and trust it. Trust yourself that you're doing what it takes, and you're coming closer. And the best part? You'll find yourself in the process. Plus, the view on the way up there is pretty as well.

I always have crazily ideas and visions, but they themselves make me numb when thinking of actually doing it - because I was so afraid to fail. So I just keep on procrastinating, and overtime those unfulfilled dreams build up and corrode my soul. But I can always take small steps. Nobody needs to know, just I, me, and myself. Others will only distract me at this point. I only need to quietly take a step, and repeat.

I thought documenting such journey by every steps could be a great idea. But honestly that's very stressful. How can I take the first steps, experimenting, failing and learning - knowing that everybody is watching? Oh yeah, that's why it's been so, so hard. I was afrid of critisism. Those that come from my mind is bad enough, now I'm pushing myself to face others' critisism as well? No wonder I shied away from it.

Oh hell yeah. Now, just keep walking in small steps - in silence. When I stop to look back and reflect, that's when I create. The act of moving forward must be done in solitude.

You see? The answer alway comes once you start to write.

Damn I love writing.