Make choice and take control

I have been reading a lot about Stoicism lately, and I am totally intrigued by this kind of philosophy. From the core value – the very first precept of Stoicism has me at its finest: the key to controlling life is to differentiate what we can change and what we can’t, what we have influence over and what we do not.

There are things that we can take full control of. For example, we can take control of time, emotions, thoughts, learning or working progress, means of transportation. We can take control of the people we choose to be our lovers or our best friends. We can take control of our reactions, our attitudes, and our actions.

There are things we cannot take control of – things that we cannot change. We cannot change the weather, the train schedule, or any disaster in the world. We cannot make other people like us when they don’t want to, we cannot change people’s opinions if they do not intend to. We cannot change the past, change our childhood background, or any trauma…

Therefore, time well spent is time spent on things that we can change. Focus on yourself. Fertilize yourself. Give yourself the best care and the best opportunities to grow. We can control the choice we make, no matter how static the context is. We can take control of our beliefs, our motivations, our attitudes. Focusing on changing what we cannot is like fighting in an unwinnable battle that only drains our energy without allowing us to gain value or to grow.

When it comes to nurturing mindset, being an expert is not as efficient as Practicing. These are my recommended activities to practice this mindset:

- Be aware of your thoughts. Whenever you catch yourself dwelling on fighting things that you cannot control, gently calm yourself down, talk yourself into accepting them, and direct yourself to things that you can control.

- Practice gratitude every day. The act of listing gratitude that starts with “Today, I’m grateful for…” or “Today, I’m thankful for…” really does give all the seeds in your mind fresh and magical water. Practicing gratitude helps you to build a natural reaction and stable mindset about knowing that you are enough, you can take control of your life, and your life is abundant. The gratitude may not be about grand things. It can be about small things in your life that makes your life really worth it, for example, “Today, I’m grateful for a nice breakfast with a delicious glass of iced coffee”, or “Today, I’m thankful for all the wonderful people around me: my family, my friends, my lovers, and all of those that brings me great memories and opportunities. I appreciate them a lot and I know they do feel the same”…

- Take some time off the hustle & bustle. Our mind needs peace to rest and connect to the inner core. It’s not healthy to spend no time for the mind to relax. The hustle and bustle may be the noise, the stress, the worries. We can meditate, have a silent walk in nature, have a meaningful conversation with people who bring good energy, write journals, draw or paint,… Just give your minds opportunities to let off the steam and to refresh from the inside out. Hence, your mind can be ready to generate more positive thoughts and eliminate distractions on the things that don’t matter.

- Minimalize your life. You can refer to the 80/20 principle, or just simply eliminate all the things that you considered unnecessary in your life. We tend to be perturbed by the thoughts “It’s not enough.” and we tend to compare ourselves to other people who seem to be perfect. As a result, we would end up owning more and more things and relationships, even the toxic and the unnecessary ones just to feel enough. However, this would cause much hustle in our life, and make the process of focusing on what you can control much harder.

- Reward yourself for small achievements. After a burnt-out period, if you managed to get out of bed and do just some minor tasks, it is an achievement. After a long day, if you managed to put on skincare and take a warm shower to refresh, it’s an achievement. If you manage to get yourself to go to the gym on a not-very-motivated day, it’s an achievement. Celebrate yourself on the little things. It’s not always those grand things that can be called an achievement. It’s not always being like those perfect people on social media can be called an achievement. An achievement is anything that you manage to do that do good to yourself, and each of them needs celebrating. Rewarding yourself for such achievements creates a habit for your mind to focus more on the actions that make these achievements – which are also the things that matter and require a great deal of time.

There was a very popular saying in Stoicism: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. We need to bear in my that those things we cannot control are just the given preparation for our more abundant life in the present and in the future. All we need to do is to find the difference between these 2 things and shift our focus on things that are under control.

Love,

Dandelilla