Recently, I do many things that I thought I would never do.
Singing in front of a crowd.
Dating with a guy in Tinder.
Showing my friends and (some) colleagues how much I love them.
Being honest with my feelings.
Being honest with others about my feelings.
Every time I do one of those things, I feel so good, so satisfied.
I don’t really remember what makes me me now. Maybe it’s a long journey to find and accept myself.
Since I was a little girl, I was always sensitive and emotional to other’s feelings. I got hurt when seeing people hurt. I couldn’t stand if I knew anyone that I care about is suffering from a bad thing.
Because of that, I felt like I had the responsibility to protect people I love. It kind of became my instinct. There was a desire to make people happy inside me.
So, what is the problem? - You may ask.
The problem is, it’s killing me.
I prioritized other’s happiness over mine. I sacrificed my own need to see the people I love smile.
I gave all my heart out and considered their happiness as my happiness.
It turned out to be not healthy at all. One day, I was exhausted from giving out too much and there was nothing left for myself. Empty and tired.