In the eyes of 14-year-old me, my mother shattered the ideal mother figure I had always admired after I found out that she had an abortion. For no reason, could I imagine why she did that?
I resolved to spend the entire summer unraveling that mystery. One day, I ran into a fortune-teller whose house was next to mine and had a strange conversation about horoscopes. It has never entered my mind that this person was a real ace in the stars, outer space, and karma. She showed me how the moment we were born would affect our destiny and how the motion of the moon could shape our characteristics. The more I immersed myself in it, the more I enjoyed it. I had a great deal of respect for our forefathers, who dotted many disparate pieces of information to create a complete picture of one's fate.
I had a powerful urge to decipher my mother’s horoscope. Many times, I caught a glimpse of her standing at the door behind my back. Many times, she found opportunities to ask me why I had always steered clear of her. I suspected she had something buried at the bottom of her heart as well. Eventually, I plucked up enough courage to come and ask her about that day.
When the truth came out, what irritated me most was that my mother's irrevocable decision stemmed from the antenatal care doctor’s affirmation that the baby was a girl. In contrast, it was a boy. My mother lost the child she would have loved the most for fear of seeing my entire family's frowns and sighs. The glass ceiling obsession with this evil custom seemed to gradually grow in my mind.
After that day, I was concerned about 2 questions: What would I become if that baby had been born? And, more importantly, was destiny real? I had to admit that horoscopes indicated me a couple of things about my own fate, allowing me to seize the opportunity to broaden my knowledge and develop myself.
That motivated me to gain the second prize in the Excellent Student Province level to help my secondary school, a so-called inferior one, soar to fifth place. I sought opportunities myself and reapplied to extracurriculars and clubs after many rejections. To fit into the new environment, I changed the way I talked, dressed, and thought. I used my horoscope knowledge to help my friends, who were always left behind like me before, understand themselves and find a suitable friend circle. I stopped feeling ashamed about having to expose poor farmers at my mother's small store that sold chemical fertilizers and pesticides.
That summer, I did not attend extra-class like in previous years, but I did learn two valuable lessons that would assist me with many future plans.
There was still something uncomfortable that sank into my mind, but I felt a pang of sympathy for women who got abortions. I believed the moment they decided to forsake their baby, they died once. They died twice when having to shoulder criticism and died many other times whenever something recalled her of that baby. No matter what people said, they were only a woman.
I do not hate them anymore, but I suppose there is always a better choice to make. I am the one who holds my fate and will not be swayed by unfounded claims or beliefs. I still put my faith in my destiny, but the way I react and adapt to them will lead me to different lands that count.
It also dawns on me that, under any circumstances, we can also make the most out of everything around us to turn it to our benefit. If I lived next to a fortune-teller, instead of being scared, I had better learn something new from her. If I studied in a poor school, I could have had better self-study skills. Meeting with the farmers was also a chance for me to hear many pieces of their life stories.
If you ask me whether I know for sure what I may have to overcome in the future, I could say yes, whether I am terrified, a yes again, but with much more excitement. It is because what I have been preparing for them will make it a story with continuous scenes and reflections.