How can I live without art ?

I was born without art.

Actually more like, without the aptitude for art. My family on the other hand have no interest in me pursue art, thinking it’s too girly for a boy to pursue. Contrary to that, I start to look into art like the most crazy things that happened in my life. Like a big bang happened 5.4 billion years ago to start the whole universe. I don’t remember why, how or when but I start to draw all kind of things, from human to animal, my mind was full of ideas and gibberish little creature running around. As an unstoppable addict I start to consume manga like no one ever dive deep into the one of the greatest pool of stories, art, emotional, human has ever created.

But then as I grown up, as an asian I submitted to my parent will, to become an engineer.

In my surprise, I realized that I can be a software developer, a kind of normal one ( maybe a little bit mediocre ). In the end, it’s nothing compare to art, I feel exhausted and dying inside everyday at the end of the day the things that recharge me is art. It save my life, revised me give my courage to continue my battle just for another day. It’s still art in the beginning till the end. I feel like it’s the things I should devote my life to. It’s the thing that hold my hand when everyone betrayed. It’s the most beautiful things. But my mother is on the other side of the battle line, and she dedicated to force me beneath her will. And then the struggle the questions that’s struct me really really hard. Should I give up all and the pursue art ?. This is really a hopeless one sided love from me ?

I scream from deep down my voice, from all my soul. But who would have heard ?