...
He gulped down his glass of beer. "So bitter", he murmured to himself.
He didn't like beer at all, or alcohol generally. He preferred sweet stuff, so coke and chocolate were ones among his staple choices. He only drank alcohol when there were special occasions.
And that day was one of such. It was a wedding ceremony.
He was in the hall, his table was surrounded by some people whom he might call "friends" or "acquaintances". He traded harmless chitchat with them so he wouldn't let himself be too out of place.
Then the bride and the groom appeared on the stage, welcomed by a large round of applause. And the most familiar face to him in this entire wedding hall was on that very stage, wearing a beautiful white dress while smiling happily - that's right, it was nobody but the bride. He gazed at her with emptiness.
The MC proceeded to orchestrate the ceremony cleverly. While other people were busy taking photos and giving compliments to the special couple, he just opened another can of beer and poured into his glass. He put some more ice into the glass, then drank this bitter stuff again.
Eventually, the couple came to his table. He waited until his turn to congratulate the couple on their marriage.
"I wish you both happiness ever after", he said to the couple while standing, but his eyes only fixated on the bride. And of course he didn't forget to give them a fake smile, as a matter of courtesy.
All it took was 5 seconds. He then sat down again.
If he was asked what he felt back there, he wouldn't know what to answer. It might be a mix of awkwardness, regret, sadness, and perhaps a little frustration. Still, he remained poker-faced, there was no change in his expression.
What was the last time he saw her, he wondered. Then he realized that it was just a little more than 1 year ago. At that time, they had a trip together with their friends to a seaside town. They wandered around on the sandy beach. He could recall how happy she looked when he bought her a white hat, even the saleswoman complimented how perfectly it fitted her. They even took a photo together, which he was reminded of on Facebook a few days before the wedding.
That was as far as he could recall. His memory became fuzzy after that - or maybe he unconsciously didn't want to remember. After some turns of event, somehow he ended up here, being a guest of her wedding.
As time passes, it will erase everything; and so the time they spent together would slowly fade away from their memory. Even if he wanted to keep it all, nothing could defy the rule of time. He changed, she changed, people changed. What used to be once beautiful was no longer. Her happiness became strange and distant. Only the hat - the last physical evidence of their memory - remained. He wasn't even sure whether she still kept it, though...
He was almost lost in disarrayed thoughts when he felt a sudden pain in his chest. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. For a moment, he could feel that his heart was throbbing way stronger than usual - probably a reaction of his own body. He opened his eyes again, letting out a slow breath. Putting his hand on his chest, he could even feel how strong his heartbeat was. Then it went back to normal shortly.
"It'd be great if my heart did really fail" - he thought so, for one second. "Still, if you wanna die, better find a good excuse", he reminded himself of how much he hated such suicidal thoughts, and it would be too troublesome if he was really to collapse in a freaking wedding - of someone else, to add.
"Not today, I guess."
Unexpectedly, one of the people sitting next to him noticed and asked if there was anything wrong. He said he was fine in order to avoid making a big fuss. As if to distract, he took out his phone and typed a few lines, then put it back in the pocket.
Having no intention to stay any longer, he excused himself quietly and made his way to the exit. One last step, he paused and sighed. "I'm done with this", he thought to himself and walked away...
He drove around the city for some time. A sense of familiarity built up. He could recall the places to which he had been before. And every time he dug up his memory, he saw himself being with someone. Somehow that person always appeared blurry in his mental images.
He stopped by a coffee shop before going home. He sat at a table near the window. He kept looking outside until someone came to him and asked, "Um, what would you like to drink?"
"Ah, what a cute waitress", he thought.
"I'd like some milk coffee".
"Sure, please wait for a bit", the girl replied with a small smile and walked back to the counter. His eyes followed her for a while, then he returned gazing outside.
It wasn't long that the girl came again with a cup of coffee for him. A cute waitress and some hot coffee would definitely be a good combination that could warm up anyone's heart, especially in a winter day.
Except his.