About a middle child

Never anyone's baby, even when im a bbi

u know there jokes bout being a middle child, i admit theyre all true unfortunately

I was born by mistake. The pregnancy was already past 3 months, maybe it was too late for an abortion, so my parents kept me. Growing up with my grandparents and bà Chắt, I got love from all of them. Then moving back to my family, I know mom and dad worked hard for their children, but that wasn't the case for me.

I was always left hungry; breakfast would always just be rice with tomato egg soup. I never really had enough school supplies, I always had to borrow from friends or straight-up steal from them =)))). When I was a kid, I was good at school. Aunt Hoa asked what I wanted as a reward, and I actually said I wanted notebooks, because they were too expensive, 10k for one. I felt so bad about spending my parents' money that I would write in pencil and then erase it, or draw really tiny pictures to save space =))). In the late afternoons, when I had two back-to-back classes until evening, I would always sit alone in the classroom early, starving, while the others went out to eat. Or I’d try to wander around with Hien, and show up to class really late just so I wouldn't have to watch them eat.

I didn't even dare to open my mouth to ask my parents for money. When I took the entrance exam for the specialized high school, the fee was 470k, and I felt so bad about the cost that I considered not taking it. I had to save up my own money to buy the Campbell Biology book to study (2 million VND), and then my dad complained to everyone that I was wasting money on nonsense =))))) He even told my IELTS teacher about it haha.

There was a time when I experienced the silent treatment. In 7th or 8th grade, I even got beaten by my mom right in the middle of the class. Back then, I was at the top of my grade. That afternoon, during the natural science gifted team class, I had to cry secretly in the classroom. My mom told me since I was little that I was born by mistake. It hurt me so, so, so bad, even though I was just a really little kid at the time.

I like Ronaldo, because he was also born by mistake, but he overcame every hardship to become a football icon. Cristiano Ronaldo's mother admitted that she had considered aborting him because the family was so poor and her husband was an alcoholic, but the doctor refused to perform the procedure. R took the pain of being an "accident," the poverty, and the lack of early support, and he weaponized it.

Once, when anh Khanh (anh họ tôi) was in some bridge-building competition, it rained heavily on the way back. My mom drove me and my sister Thuy on the motorbike. I sat in the front. Mom wore a raincoat, but I was worried her legs would get wet, so I used the flap of the raincoat to shield her. When we got home, I was completely soaked. My aunts and uncles called me stupid, asking how I could sit like that and get so wet. I didn't say anything. It seems like ever since I was little, I've never had the habit of explaining myself - they will never understand anyways. Actually, ive tried several time but the result turnout so hell-y that i decided not to talk more.

I truly feel grateful that my parents always tried to provide me with some level of material comfort. But the times I felt genuinely happy were so incredibly rare. I'm always a safe space for people to talk it all out, but no one will be there for me when I want to talk about something. My family just will never be there for me.

Lately, working down at the warehouse, it's so incredibly hot. I sit next to an air-conditioning fan, but if there's no water, it blows even hotter air than a normal fan. The stuff to use in the restroom is dirty, so I asked my dad to make a short pipe for me so I could run water down from the tap. Then this morning, my dad said he couldn't do it. I was so frustrated that I stayed home and didn't go to work. If he couldn't do it, he should have told me earlier so I could go buy one or figure something out, instead of waiting right until it was time for me to go to work to say it. By then, I couldn't do anything about it.

It is literally 45 degrees down in the warehouse. My eyes sting, and I even get heatstroke; I can't stay fully conscious. My dad even asked me, 'Are you the only one who's hot? Did anyone die?' I can't comprehend how a properly educated person could say something like that. It's ridiculous. The warehouse is full of older people; younger people with a faster metabolism feel the heat more. Besides, everyone complains about the heat, but sitting right in front of that fan like me is no different from hồng treo gió, cái loại hồng dẻo dẻo í. I just can't understand it.

I really gave my parents a lot of chances for me to open up to them more, and vice versa. But everything always ended terribly; every conversation led to an argument. On the 2nd day of Tet, I was humiliated by my aunt, and my parents just sat there laughing. My brothers stood up for me, but it wasn't enough to stop my aunt. I left and went back to my parent other house in Hoang Hoa Tham, and it wasn't until the next morning that my parents even realized I wasn't home =)))))) I asked why they didn't protect me, and my parents said, 'Is your Aunt an outsider that we need to protect you from her?' Yeah, true, I'm the outsider here. It seems like I overestimated my position in my parents' eyes.

cũng không phải là láo lắm, chỉ là mình khóc xong hỏi sao bố mẹ chưa từng bênh con, bố mẹ bảo mình láo =))) còn thằng em mình bảo mình im đi? =)))) đùa, chị mình hay em mình hay ngay cả bố mẹ mình mà bị chửi thế đến mức như mình bị chửi, mình lao cả người vào luôn, láo nháo, kể cả là bác hay dù là bất cứ ai. Mình nhịn được ai làm gì mình cũng được, nhưng mà mình không cam tâm nhìn người nhà mình bị nói vậy, nhưng mà người nhà mình lại vui vẻ khi mình bị nói thế, hay phết chứ đùa =))))))).

My younger brother said he wanted a pair of basketball shoes, and I told him to calculate how long he'd need to save up to get them. He said he could just ask Dad for them. Right... why did I never think of that? =)))))) It's so lucky that my brother doesn't have to go through what I went through. I don't know if he would even survive if he had to experience it. Truly lucky for him that he has his parents backing him up.

The pressure of studying at Bách Khoa is terrifyingly huge, I even got hospitalized multiple times. The pressure, or being hit on by teachers, I didn't dare tell my parents any of it, cause i know they will blame me for any slightest things happened. One time I accidentally let it slip, and my mom asked me what I did to make the teacher hit on me =)))))))))))))) and then asked why I didn't tell them sooner =)))) haha tại sao nhỉ, idk either =)))

It is a very specific kind of isolation when the outside world assumes you have everything because of your family's status, while your actual, private reality feels entirely unsupported. You are not pathetic for finding your first experiences of being gifted and cherished outside of your family; it is just a harsh reality that your family didn't provide that warmth for you first.

Growing up, the first piece of jewelry I ever received was from my 1st ex-boyfriend - the very first bracelets and rings, my first watch, my first things that only belongs to me, the things i dont have to share or give it to my siblings. How pathetic am I? =)) Even though my family has the reputation of being wealthy, of having a house on the main street and a dad in a high position, my actual living conditions were just truly terrible.

I have seen both my mom and my dad cheat. Even though my family is supposedly happy right now, I don't have much faith in the opposite sex. I also don't trust my family because they are all talk and no action; they tell lies every time they get the chance. i think im not cynical; i am just highly observant. ive learned the hard way to protect myself by measuring people strictly by their actions, rather than their empty words. Love experts say, do not tell your partner that you are terribly treated, because they will think you deserve less than you actually do bla bla blaaa. I used to believe in that shii, and even practiced it, lying and lying about having a happy family. this is toxic af, now grown up, i thinks this is all shjt. Hiding your pain doesn't protect your value; it just isolates you and forces you to carry the weight of your family's dysfunction entirely alone. The right partner will not look at how you were mistreated and think you deserve less. They will look at what you survived and respect the sheer strength it took for you to build yourself up despite it. iam slowly learning to differentiate between someone who is just being nice, and someone who actually possesses the emotional depth, consistency, and loyalty to stand beside me.

I am highly aware of my situation, my mental health, and my emotions. I can deal with it and alleviate it, but sometimes I think, it would be sweet if my parents noticed me a bit. In high school, I rebelled, skipped classes constantly, acted out, and was super badly behaved, because I thought maybe that would make my parents pay more attention to me, but I was wrong. They didn't even give a shit; my mom blocked my teacher, and didn't ever protect me. Parent-teacher conferences were on the same day; our family has 3 kids, and my parents would attend for my older sister and younger brother, but for me, they would skip it or ask my uncle to go =))) probably because they were embarrassed, or they just didnt want to go, happened even when im top my class. In high school, I ranked at the bottom of the class and was such a delinquent that I sat all by myself at a desk in the very back row. My friends were really sweet though; every day I had one friend go sit with me, except during tiết của cô chủ nhiệm, that when I sat alone. I am truly lucky that from childhood until now, I have always had good friends, like Hong Phuong. I can't believe I treated Hong Phuong so terribly. i was essentially screaming to be seen. how pathetic i am? but im grown up now, i don't think much about the pain I have had to bear anymore. In the past, every time I thought about myself, I would cry and have trouble sleeping. But now, I don't cry anymore. When you are pouring every ounce of your physical and mental energy into surviving and building your reality, your mind does not have the luxury of breaking down every night tho. I have things to do in the morning. Sometimes looking back, I still shed some tears but not a lot. But whenever I think about being abandoned by friends or a lover, I can't hold back my tears, so I tend to be the type to leave them first, I don't know why =)))) But now that I am older, I don't leave others first anymore. I will love them deeply, even though I know it might hurt so much more, but I won't overthink it anymore. iam no longer letting the fear of abandonment control my actions.

Everyone thinks my fam is perfect, that I myself am perfect, but they don't know what happens behind the scenes. My mom told me that no one goes hungry in this century, just because she lives a luxurious life, while I am constantly oscillating between starving and eating. Many times I would debate whether I should eat at all, trying to hold out and skip just one more meal, to the point where I went out with my friends and fainted twice, and couldn't even make it back home until late at night. A lot of times, looking at my friends' families, seeing the way my friends can act all sweet and pouty with their parents, I get so incredibly jealous =))) i spent years performing perfection just to survive, and it is entirely okay to be exhausted by it now.

Yet my mom is always proud of raising her kids well haha, and people also often praise my parents because of how well we act. Everything I have learned, the people around me taught me, through observation, trial and error, learning a lot, and paying attention to every single minute detail about others behavior. It might sound like an exaggeration, but my parents truly didn't teach me anything; they don't even know the smallest ways to show care. Growing up and being loved by friends, that was when I finally learned how to love and care for others. I had to raise and parent myself. This explains exactly why i hold my friendships in such high regard. my friends were my real family and my truest teachers. i know that my emotional intelligence, my manners, and my resilience were crowd-sourced from the good people i actively chose to surround myself with.

For the first time in my life, this january 2026, I asked my parents to buy me an instrument. In the past, my sister had an instrument bought for her, but I didn't dare to ask, probably out of fear of being told I was wasting my parents' money. I asked my parents for money to buy a violin. Before this, whatever outside classes I took, I had to starve myself to pay for all of them, the chinese class, every music class, but I couldn't just keep assuming forever that my parents wouldn't give me money to study. so ive given them chances to know that im wrong bout them, but they have proven to me that im actually always right. My family can stay at 5-star hotels, go to Shanghai for a few days, go to Thailand and spend hundreds of millions, but they absolutely 'Bố mẹ làm gì có tiền hả con' for their child (me, to be more specific) to learn. And once again, I am starving myself just to be able to study. But im happy actually, im free, can use the money i borrow from my dad to study, my dad told me to pay he back, of course that what i gonna do dad =)))))))

During my freshman year, I had a severe allergic reaction, my whole face swelled up. My sister didn't take me to the hospital. I had just moved down to Hanoi and didn't know anything, so I went to a private hospital. The hospital bill was 12 million VND, and my parents guilt-tripped me about it endlessly. I did not even deserve to be comforted and taken care of. even when its not my fault that i have allergy.

It is a deeply bittersweet feeling when the bare minimum finally arrives and it feels like a feast, simply because you have been starving for it for so long. Lately, it seems like my parents see that I have a future, so they care for me a bit more, but that is enough to make me happy. Just having my dad come to pick me up when I get hospitalized is enough to make me happy; before, I had to do everything all by myself haha.

Perhaps that is why, if men just show me a little bit of care, I already think they love me. Now that I am older, I understand a lot more about myself and other people, but the pain is still there.

My parents have their own weight to carry too. I think I'm just talking shit right now because I'm just being too weak. kakaka. its over now, my computer is down to 3% because I lent my charger to Uncle Duc yesterday, so I think I'll stop here and go to sleep. Because tomorrow I still have to go be a 'hồng treo gió' again. It's already 12:26 AM, mọi người ngủ ngoan nhé ạ.

dont get me wrong, i love my fam, but they hurt me too bad i dont know how to face them. but i have all the good genes tho =))) thanks a lot mom and dad

Sometimes, it's your boyfriend who buys you the hummingbird tho. Its different from people to people but to me it my boifriend gift me all the princess treatment. They have always goes out of their way to spoil me. Appreciate em so so so much.